j n'essaie pas être heureuse.

Instead of making excuses,

2010-05-11T22:05:00.000-04:00

instead of keep saying "oh, I'll write in my next blog what's been happening," it's time to start now.

I did not get into One Acts. I'm just not a good actress... I was a little bummed, but I will still do tech for it.

In more theatre notes, I was accepted to operate the lights for One Song Productions (student-run theatre organization -- site is here) in the play "Wait Until Dark" by Frederick Nott. I was quite... horrible the first two nights (mostly Act I in opening night) but on Saturday (the matinée and closing night) was wonderful. Best shows ever. The acting was great, sound was great, curtain call was great, etc.

God, I really want a mac. I feel like my life would be just so much easier. My laptop takes 5 minutes to wake up from sleep mode and 5 minutes to get into sleep mode. Its battery is completely fried, it's dirty as hell, etc etc etc. When I get a mac, I will: take care of it, barely use the charger, keep it clean, not download so many crap, and... I don't know.

In other news, there's really not much else. I've been trying to change my personality as always. nothing much to talk about except theatre, really. :) well now that I have more free time, I can actually do my homework... now I just need inspiration to.

life

2010-04-27T19:21:00.000-04:00

just seeing novel sites on xanga makes me want to write again... but this sudden burst of inspiration isn't enough. I can't even finish this entry. I need some motivation. I want to write a play, but I don't know where to begin.

on other notes, I have a lot of events coming up. tomorrow during lunch I'm auditioning for One Acts at my school. then after school I'm going to east to learn about lights and stuff. the rest of the week not much until Sunday where I'll be helping with the load-in and rehearse Wait Until Dark (I get to do lights!). then the next week I'll have rehearsal and then the show. I'm joining Wait Until Dark really at the last minute, but Anders said it was okay, so.... then I guess I'll do One Acts (am I cocky for thinking that I'll get in?) for the rest of whatever.

my life is OK. it's always OK, and is life supposed to be great? because for me OK is OK. life is mostly OK, and there are good times and bad times. I don't really think of life is "bad" or "good" unless something dramatic happens. nothing is happening right now so... well actually there's a bunch of theatre things going on so I guess life is good. I changed my mind. life can be good and bad. I change my mind really easily. not such a good quality....

P.S. I'm getting a car tomorrow. except I'm grounded so it doesn't really matter.

my wisdom is gone

2010-04-01T19:00:00.000-04:00

my wisdom teeth are gone (four of them) and the pain is very... oh my god it's so painful help me. the anesthesia is wearing off so no more distractions of my pain. I've taken some pain killers but they still hurt. I wish I had gotten percocet or oxycodone. this sucks.

on the bright side, I got my license yesterday. I thought I was kind of rough but I still passed and I am very happy, except not quite. I'll be happy when I get my mom's car. I probably won't really be owning it until she buys a new one for herself. so, I will delay this happiness until then.

okay. I'm going to go rest....

catching up

2010-03-30T19:26:00.001-04:00

It's been three months. A lot has been going on. I won't go into details, but "got to know" nice boys named Ibai and Samuel, and will be getting to know another boy named Theo. I think it's interesting that he's French. I keep asking him to teach me some swears, but he wants to charge me money per hour. Ha. No.

Other than that, my mom has found out I smoked and drank. I was too stupid and careless (to get caught), and I won't do more of that for a while. I do not know how long I will keep that up, I am still a teenager. I do not care if adults frown upon it... this is what I want to do, and you are only a teenager once.

Oh! I am also Assistant Stage Manager for the school musical, called Once on This Island. It's a bit of a boring plot personally, but I adore many of the songs in it. It's really fun.

I'm officially moving to Charlotte!
I am more excited than nervous, really. I keep believing that I will be rich there, even though I won't be... I just like to think so. I am thinking of going to a private school called Country Day. (note to self: parking, weighted grades, school colors, dress codes) I have visited three schools including CD (all private); I've seen Charlotte Latin and Providence Day. I almost didn't visit CD, but on the last minute I thought it'd be better to. I didn't want to choose out of just two schools. I've almost already planned out my schedule for next year. I'm excited. I'll be nervous probably the last month of summer, or the first day of school. But for now, there is happiness.

nothing much else to say, really.

Oh, yes, I remember. since visiting CD, I've been trying to get out the artistic side of me... when people say "an outlet," I can never understand... I've never had to have an outlet... probably there's nothing inside me that needs one--such as creativity, I really don't think I need an "outlet" for that since I have none (although many people are tricked into thinking that I do). anyway, the main reason is so I can get into AP art next year. It's a two year course, and their studio is just beautiful. It looked really fun, seeing them painting.

that's all for now. I write too much.

audrey kawasaki

2010-03-29T22:33:00.001-04:00

I think she's pretty popular, right? If you haven't heard of her, she is one of my inspirations.... She is an amazing artist. I don't even have enough hope to think that I'll meet her one day. I just wanted to show some of my favorite drawings by her.

now I'm feeling inspired, I'm going to go draw.

oh my god puke

2010-03-28T23:26:00.001-04:00

(Doc, if you're reading this, do not read past entries.... they are too embarrassing. I've checked.)

Looking back at these entries, I just need to let everyone know that wasn't me. It was me, yes, but it was me going through a "Sandra" phase. I have been obsessing with her too much, and wanted to write like her--aka a broken translator. She is so beautiful, I couldn't resist! I still go through her blog, but the obsession has faded and I have myself back.

anyway, the title is because of my previous entries... especially when I was dating Michael. not that I was dating a "oh my god puke" boy, but because of how cliche and romance-loving I was. oh lord. romance makes me gag, and I hate everything like it. the only romance thing I like is probably Shakespeare. if someone wrote me a love letter, I would laugh. if someone gave me flowers, I'd say, "what the fuck is this?" romance makes my skin crawl and makes my bones shudder. I quite like this trait about myself.

I'm not going to delete those entries because I'd still like to look back on them and remember how gross I was, and who cares? I'm starting fresh again. I do need to get caught up in the time gap (obviously my computer's health has returned), which I will do in the next entry. It will be filled with boys (actually only a couple) and drug-like stuff.

xx

P.S. I am moving to Charlotte.

bonjour mes amis

2010-01-28T17:52:00.000-05:00

I'm afraid I cannot update for a while because I don't have my computer since it's getting fixed. Hopefully it will return soon and I will be able to get my inspiration back... I didn't even think of my blog when I didn't have my computer. I forgot! Well, I'm off.

the grass is greener on the other side

2010-01-09T15:38:00.000-05:00

except in real life; my lawn is pretty green.
note: I've looked back at the pictures I edited from my birthday party and wow they are so over edited..

I usually browse blogs or sites of people who are older than me. I think, "oh if I were older I could be free and could have a fun time like them," but I'm afraid I'm just thinking that, or making myself believe that so I can still have hope. I am afraid that when I become an adult, I will regret what I haven't done. I'll come across pictures of teenagers partying and drinking and kissing and I will think, "oh why didn't I do that when I were younger? now I'm too old and I can't do it anymore."

I was never a partier, and no matter how much I would love to be one, I think I will always be too afraid to have fun like that. the only way I could is if I drank maybe, but then I'll be too afraid of what I would do... I will only live with regret. I am trying to make myself live with more risks. I'm trying. but I'm too afraid.

on a more hopeful note, in French class I sometimes feel I'm the dumbest (or maybe second dumbest) one in the class. it doesn't help that I sit with possibly the smartest person in the class (Levent) who is quite arrogant of his intelligence but I don't dislike him. I just feel bad that I always have to ask him what something means, what our teacher said, what we're supposed to do, etc. so I am going to try extra hard and be on top of things. I'm very hopeful of this. now, I shall go do my French homework (extra extra well).

nice

2010-01-06T17:58:00.000-05:00

I have a folder called "nice," where I keep lovely photos. I'll share the things I have so far before my computer erases everything.

sometimes these things happen

2010-01-03T21:42:00.000-05:00

tonight my mom, my sister and I went shopping for shoes, and when we came back to our car we came upon a surprise....

someone had broken in. I really hoped it was an accident and that someone didn't really break in, but I knew it was too good to be true. my sister pointed it out that our GPS was missing. but it wasn't very expensive and that was all they took. this didn't make me feel bad or scared; just a little.. shocked because I never expected for myself to get into this kind of situation. I'm glad that nothing bad happened to us. it was only a GPS system. we can always get another one.

after several minutes of my mom calling the police and talking to the store security we had to drive home with the window like that. we pulled out the glass of course. I was mad at that point because I had waited for a long time and it was very cold driving home, but a lot of people are unemployed nowadays and a lot of them have a family.

new year's resolutions

2009-12-31T23:07:00.000-05:00

Happy new year's eve! Today I went to Pazzo's (pizza place in my neighborhood) with Will and I went to see Avatar the movie with him and his friend, Hana.

Tonight I'm celebrating New Year's with my mom and sister... a bit of bummer for a teenager, but whatever. There's more new years to come. (Is it new years or new year's? why?) So I'm going to write a list of my resolutions... many are my resolutions each year.

- Stop biting nails the whole year
- Think more about college
- Lose weight
- Try to not to gossip about people so much
- Think of new resolutions and follow them like it's new year's!

Unfortunately, I'm not going to able to to project 365. I'm much too lazy and I think I'll be way too tired for that.

I wish I spoke another language instead of English (except Korean. maybe something like Swedish? like swedish bloggers), so I could write in that instead and have a little translation at the end. well, signing off. xx

I've been MIA...

2009-12-31T01:01:00.001-05:00

Before I get to my birthday party, I want to talk about my photos. They are over edited, but I think they look nice. I may be stupid now, but at least in the future when I'm not stupid (hopefully), I'll look back on these posts and know how stupid I was... (and not just know that I was stupid).

My birthday started out nicely but then as it progressed it became worse... the day after I felt humiliation, guilt, fear, and depression all at the same time. Then I felt stupid after I had gotten over it. I wish I weren't so naive.

Anyhow, here are some pictures.

nice people. Zach brought his camera.

Sam and Molly

William

I had glow sticks :)

Late people who tried to participate in my masquerade that failed, but oh well.

the next morning Katie had eaten the cake already... my candles were sparkly like the 4th of July, you can see a small spark on one of the candles.

we put this on Jack for the Christmas spirit :)

he didn't like it.

So anyway, about my party you would like to know what went wrong. I'll tell you even though it still makes me feel bad and angry. Sam brought a blunt for me, and we (Sally, Molly, Katie, Sam and I) decided to smoke it in my room. After we came downstairs, people started going outside because it "smelled bad." Katie told me that they hated us for smoking because they don't like drugs and blah blah blah. I felt horrible and apologized to many the day after. Your feelings really intensify when you're high (hence the major guilt and sadness).
I wish I had ignored what everyone thought and had fun because it was my party. I wish I didn't care about anyone thought period.

It's almost 2010....

2009-12-28T23:39:00.004-05:00

(found at left-handed toons)

I supposed the sunglasses will still be 2010 with the 0's as the eyes, and the 1 will be stuck on the top of your nose? Or they'll just have the 2010 on the top of the glasses.

I've been skipping a lot of things I've done lately, and I'm glad the new year's is here for me to have a fresh start. I can see through my blog in 2011 what I did during 2010, because I never remember what I did for the whole year, especially because of the school year starts after summer, and I only think of the summer through winter, never before summer. I forget! So hopefully this year, I'll know what I did. No matter how something hurts, or how embarrassing it is, I'll try to write it down here. It'll be my new year's resolution.

I've watched Inglourious Basterds recently, and I liked it a little. Just a little because I knew a lot of the things that were going to happen (the Bear Jew bashing the Nazi's head, the scalps, the burning down of the theatre), and I didn't really get a lot of the things that happened, but that's my fault.

But if I think about it, I think it was amazing. I especially like things that are related to Nazis and the Holocaust and the WWII, because I think it's just... extraordinary. It's horrible, but it makes it extraordinary I think. It was a great movie because of the action, the acting, the violence (more blood! more gore!), and the hot actors...

Favorite (hot) actors: Brad Pitt is a given of course though he's getting old, Denis Menochet (just learned his name) from Chapter One, Christoph Waltz (he was adorable during the "bingo" scene), Eli Roth (the bear jew), BJ Novak (more cute than hot, but still) and I think that's it?

Sorry I'm going to end my obsession here, I'm going to go through inglouriousbasterds @ tumblr for the rest of the night.

moving situations

2009-12-17T20:57:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but my mom has been going to interviews in cities in North Carolina to get paid more. we mostly talked about Charlotte (three hours away) and Greensboro. With Greensboro she would have to go out to work an hour early, but she said she didn't mind because before she used to leave two hours early. so I hoped for Greensboro because then we wouldn't have to leave Chapel Hill.

today, my mom told me that she's not sure if it'll go well with Greensboro.

I've finally said this out loud earlier today: I don't worry enough.
I was talking about the math test we had today, and how I don't worry enough about it so I end up studying less and packing during the test.
I hate worrying. that's probably why I don't worry enough. I can easily convince myself to not worry. not really "convince," but I just don't. if I don't want to worry, I can just stop worrying. just like that.

so when my mom told me earlier that she's applying, I knew it was like hunting for any other job. she could get it and she could not. I stayed positive and just assumed she'd get into Greensboro.

when she told me tonight that it might go bad, the worry hit me. we could actually move. this might actually happen. I may not see my friends anymore. I may not see my favorite teachers anymore. I may lose my confidence that I gained through my friends. I may go back to being depressed. the worries piled in at once and it was hard to pretend that I was okay with it, but I tried to look it for my mom. with all the worries in my head, I sat down and thought about it.

then I said, fuck it.

fuck everything. I'm going to be fine. I'll make new friends. I can gain confidence. what's the point of being sad when you can be happy? I'm still scared, I am. although I'm not too confident, I have hope, even if it's just a little. so fuck it.

clubs and activities

2009-12-14T17:07:00.000-05:00

being a teenager, extra curricular activities are very important. let me list some of my sports and clubs.

Sports: so far, tennis only. I might try out for cheerleading next year, but who knows.
Clubs: Mondays: school supplies club, (should be going to) gay straight alliance. Tuesdays: sophmore class counsel. Wednesdays: French club. Thursdays: literary magazine. Fridays: poetry club (usually I don't go).

I am thinking of joining more clubs. my friends are making "we love Mr. Carpenter" club because they like to sit in his classroom for lunch, and there's clubs in there once a week so they have to sit outside during those times, so they want to make it so they meet every day during lunch. so they can just stay in the room all times. I also want to make a sarcasm club.... so many clubs.

originality and career

2009-12-13T21:46:00.000-05:00

here I was, about to make a post about me thinking I'm not original and creative, but I've decided to be happy and think happy thoughts. even just thinking about trying makes me happy. it will be hard, but I am going to try to remember. I think the main problem is that I have to think and remember that I'm trying to be happy, then I can put my mind into being happy, which is actually the easier part.

So anyway, originality. I do copy from people, but I think I'm original a lot of times too. for example, I don't purposely think of things to copy. I just see something and I want to copy it.... for example, my favorite blogger Sandra calls her boyfriend "the wind" (I think), and I was happy to find out that my friend, Levent, his name also means "the wind" because in french, le vent is "the wind." so I told him I will be calling him that from now on. but when I have to write a skit or something, I am not going to look up things to copy; I think I'm funny enough. I hope that's not egoistic of me.

I also want to talk about my career. well, I do not have a career right now of course except being a student. I am trying to look for a good job that pays well but something I don't have homework for, like being a teacher. am I asking for a dream job that doesn't exist? I was going to say a job that doesn't need more than college tuition, but I think that's pushing it. I don't want to work hard for it. okay, I will work hard for it, but working to become a doctor seems like too much work. can I work for something that needs effort but not too much? whatever. for now, I will go for medicine. sigh.

dinner at TOPO

2009-12-06T19:18:00.001-05:00

Will, Becka, Rita and I went to TOPO (Top of the hill) for dinner and afterward we went to Starbucks for some drinks.

Will and I arrived early and we took tourist pictures.

in front of TOPO.

and we waited until Becka and Rita got there. we talked about who we liked until then. we each named about 3 people.

uh.....

we were seated outside which had heaters on the ceiling (on the top right-ish) but our legs were very cold... but it was still nice

with a nice view, too.

Rita and I both got this, but it wasn't my taste and I ordered something else. felt a little bad for making the waitress keep walking back and forth.

this car had very pretty lights. (you can see the starbucks we went to after)

after we were done Will and I waited outside while Rita and Becka went to the bathroom.

William took a few pictures of me. they're so nice!

Starbucks. I wish I could go more often but they're so expensive...

Becca and I both got the same thing. I forgot what it was, but it was very good.

Will bought some goodies for his cousin. or cousins. or something.

we ran into Elliot.

with Emily.

I told them to look "natural."

Rita got a cold drink. It was chocolate and it was delicious - she even gave me her leftovers. :) so nice.

"no, you have to put it up right."

my hat on my balloon (that I took from TOPO); Will had to hold it up to make it look like it's floating.

tying it on to my finger.

Rita and Becka left and we waited on stools behind the front windows.

overall a very good night with lots of laughter. xx

what I wore to dinner

2009-12-06T12:43:00.001-05:00

hat - american apparel
jacket - forever 21
dress - tj maxx
boots - ?

I wore the same hat and jacket for zach's party. promise I wore a different dress and shoes.

zachary's 16th

2009-12-05T22:42:00.001-05:00

I just got back from dinner and starbucks with Will, Rita and Becka and it was very fun. I will post pictures of tonight later, but this is from last night. (sorry for some of the quality)

the bonfire.

Shaw talking. and Sam either flicking me off or scratching his face.

I kind of annoyed people with my flash...

Sam, who was actually very high (he told me to keep it on the dl).

Marijke, Anna and I took a snack break inside.

I cut some delicious brownies... now that I think about it, there was never any cake.

Marijke doing...

something... we also pretended they were cigars.

I ate some of the brownie with my pretzel chopsticks.

Rita and I. there was no alcohol, I assure you.

picking music. Zach had big speakers.

Molly in Zach's boy scout jacket.

we talked a lot. did not take many pictures this time, of course, I wanted to talk too.

there was a time where Molly, Shaw and Zach were inside eating while Flora, Rita, Sam, Anna, Marijke and I were playing truth or dare, asking how far people went and with whom. then they came back and we played a bit more, but we only asked who we would fuck in our grade. or school. Marijke suggested a very awkward question: "who would you fuck in this circle?"

Zachary tired after the party.

Flora

Rita

we waited until our parents picked us up after everyone else left.

the party was very chill; this is probably what I'll do during my party too, sans bonfire. I might be able to have a small fire, but not sure. overall, nice night.

blogging at school

2009-12-03T00:20:00.001-05:00

I don't mean I am blogging on here at school, actually.

tomorrow in english class, we're going to blog about our current books. I am so excited. that's pretty much all the information our teacher gave us. she didn't tell us on which web site, if we're even using a web site, etc. I hope it'll be fun, though. I'll report back (during class, while we write our blog). I think I could get away with getting on blogspot.

update // 120309 4:16 pm

as you can see, I never got to blog. long story short, I went to the theatre field trip that I canceled on at the last minute. after the first act during intermission, I greatly regretted my last minute decision, but at the end it was very funny. It was Nicholas Nickleby, and it was really funny at the end because they did the ending of Romeo & Juliet but everyone came back to life (except Tybalt... kind of).

I was really bummed out by how I missed the blogging, but it turns out that we didn't. so I can't wait to do it next week instead. (we're going to the library tomorrow)

studying!

2009-12-02T00:08:00.001-05:00

It is almost midnight (almost my friend Zach's 16th) and I am studying for my French quiz tomorrow. it's my fault, really. I am another victim of procrastination. well, I don't mind. it's not very hard -- it's just verbs from a year or two ago. but it still is a lot of verbs, and I have forgotten a lot of 'em. so I'm trying to review thoroughly.

I was so happy to know what that meant. although "fumer" is quite obvious... I just learned "tuer" just recently.

if you will excuse me, I'm going to go conjugate conduire, plaire, croire, recevoir, mourir, falloir, etc....

flickr

2009-11-30T01:22:00.024-05:00

(I've scheduled this entry to go to the next day instead of the 29th because I have posted so many these last two days)

My favorite songs for the holidays (in no order):

1. Mariah Carey - All I want for Christmas
2. Wham - Last Christmas
3. Britney Spears or Cynthia Basinet - Santa Baby
4. (anyone) - Baby it's cold outside
5. Lady GaGa - Christmas Tree

Well, I actually like most christmas songs. It's just nice to enjoy the holidays. The feeling of the red & green, the smiles of children (how cheesy, but it's true), the presents, and the trees lights. It's just a really holiday. Christmas is my favorite holiday, I think. My mom, my sister and I are all irreligious but we still love to celebrate christmas.

A perfect Christmas (or how I feel when I listen to Christmas music): outside, it's about 8 PM and dark as snow white's hair. a few stars are visible, but they're out shined by the yellow lights on the trees around. there's a lot of red ribbons, and a few green ones, too. there's a lot of snow. it's still snowing. there are couples walking down the street--the girl has a dark black coat on with a white scarf that blows in the wind; she clutches to her boyfriend, with a hot cocoa in her hand. they both have dark gloves on, and she also has a small hat. It feels like new york city. or some where in paris, but the couple and the people around are all Americans. so a Paris-like part of new york.

thanksgiving without the family

2009-11-29T18:32:00.001-05:00

my mom preparing for the big dinner, Korean style.

I waited upstairs until they were done cooking. I can't cook, and I am way too lazy. There were about 6 people to help my mom anyway. I'm so spoiled, I know.

food! it was really delicious.

left to right: my sister's friend, my sister's other friend, my sister, family friend's friend, family friend's friend (hidden!), and the family friend('s head).

I was so shy, it was really hard for me to take a good picture because I don't know them well... even my sister. so I took very quick pictures, I'm surprised they aren't really bad.

a fictional paragraph

2009-11-29T01:01:00.004-05:00

"I don't know what's wrong, but I know something is wrong. The way he says my name, it's not filled with happiness anymore--it's burdenness. The way he smiles at me, it's forced. The way he holds me, I don't feel so full anymore. The way his fingers laces into mine, it doesn't seem so warn anymore. The way he kisses me, something is missing. I know soon, the worst day of my life will come. I wish I could say that I will enjoy the last moments, but how could I, if everything is a lie? I feel as if we're acting as a couple; we're not really. We're slowly fading."

I've been really liking the topic of love lately, thanks to Sandra. I have an unhealthy obsession of her, I should stop being such a stalker. I can't stop, I just love her blog so much I want to go through all of it

if jack were a person.

2009-11-28T23:15:00.001-05:00

he would be a very adventurous one. he would be the one who frequently goes to parties and is always the joker, being the center of attention. everyone would love him. the class clown, who gets bad grades because he jokes too much in class.

he does not like to drink and smoke like most of his friends, but he eats instead. he's very friendly, but sometimes can hurt you without knowing. he does what he wants and does not care about anyone else; very independent.

but you love him anyway.

new layout

2009-11-28T01:17:00.001-05:00

as you can see, this how my blog looks now.

unfortunately I forgot to screen cap my previous layout.

a sensitive topic: gay marriage

2009-11-27T15:31:00.002-05:00

weheartit

I am bored, so I thought I'd add an entry here.
gay marriage is one of my favorite subjects to talk--or argue--about. I am someone who is easily influenced and persuaded, and I love arguing about this because I know I'll keep my opinion the same, no matter what people tell me. I am definitely for gay marriage.

I still respect people who have different views from me, but for me it's hard to understand why they do not accept gay marriage. I thought there was supposed to be a separation between church and state? who says a marriage has to be between a man and a woman? on tumblr, one girl said, "gay people's rights are not taken away. they can get married; they just have to marry the opposite sex." okay, I agree that their rights are not taken away in marriage, but think of it as this: imagine we were living in a world where straight people were treated like gays. it was normal for gays to be married, but some states still did not approve heterosexual marriages. would you want to marry the same sex? why would you even marry someone you don't even love? obviously you would not marry someone of the same sex. if I were gay, I would want to be able to marry someone I love, despite sex.

maybe it's because I am not religious. but this is how I see it. love is for anyone. marriage should be for anyone, too. we should not vote on who can get married to who. it should be their choice. I just do not understand how the other side thinks, but I will not disrespect them. I just.... don't get it.

outfit for tomorrow

2009-11-26T02:24:00.001-05:00

jacket - my sister. gap
shirt - unknown
skirt - nordstorm
boots - charlotte russe

the boots are actually gorgeous like the first picture. very comfortable.

birthday wishes

2009-11-23T20:12:00.002-05:00

these may not be realistic, but even so.
I realized it is only a month until my 16th! I do not know what I want to do yet... better think fast.

a blackberry!

a cute boy who likes to smoke. this is ash stymest, I think he is very cute.

neat shoes, and with cute dresses! (sandra)

nice rollerblades <3 (flickr)

polaroid camera (flickr)

cute cell phone charm! (flickr)

new nail polish, perhaps chanel? ;) (flickr)

I cannot think of more, but when I do I will update this list!

a small secret

2009-11-23T17:55:00.006-05:00

perhaps not quite a secret, but it is a fun fact about I.

I can never remember lyrics. Some listen to songs and they can repeat all the words only after a few times of replying. I cannot do a such thing! I remember, I have loved this one song and listened to it constantly and only caught about five words after. It might be because of I listen to the beat and enjoy the song instead of really listening to the words, but I do not know if other people do that also and still know the words..

There are almost no positive things about this. whenever I hear a song I know from a while ago, I would love to sing along but I can't. I sometimes hear a song coming on that I know and I want to prove to my friends that I really love the song but I can't. sometimes when my friends and I have a favorite song in common they can sing it while I try to, but only to miserably fail.

but I think it's a unique characteristic I own, I think.

kiss

very sweet and lovely

2009-11-22T16:05:00.003-05:00

I found this in my favorite blog, Sandra's niotillfem (I always use a translator; thank you google!)

I asked my friend to translate it and it says, "in östersund, love is the most common search phrase on Google." so sweet.

Speaking of love, it is a topic I like to avoid at all times. I find it terribly embarrassing when I talk about boys. I feel just like any other teenage girl; I don't quite know how to explain... I find it especially embarrassing when the boy you have a thing for does not feel the same way about you. I do not want anyone's pity. Embarrassing moments are the worst kind of moments for me, thus I try to escape from them.

I think many romantic things are cheesy and cliche. I watch romance movies and I know that does not happen in real life--at least not my life. I wish I were like Sandra, who loves boys and talking about them. Of course I do love boys, but talking about them or sharing my stories? No thank you. I do not have much stories anyway.

tattoo

2009-11-15T20:43:00.001-05:00

found this picture again, I'm so jealous of the girl..
I don't think tattoos are my thing, however.

five senses friday

2009-11-14T00:50:00.063-05:00

Tonight, I went out to dinner with Jessica, Sam, Ginnie, Kaylee, Lindsay, Erin and Julia; we went to Ginnie's after all except Kaylee and Lindsay. I will post pictures up tomorrow perhaps, I am too tired now!

Seeing: my cat lying on the "coffee table" resting and sleeping, The Nanny on Nick@Nite, and my huge clock above the TV that keeps reminding me it is after midnight and that I am tired.

Smelling: air? nothing, really.

Tasting: nothing either; I didn't take any leftovers from dinner at Kanki's; I wouldn't have eaten them anyway.

Hearing: The Nanny, and my mom breathing deeply.

Touching: my keyboards on the computer and on the phone, talking to Michael.

EDIT // SATURDAY NIGHT

This was my last night.

Ginnie's car - so nice!

we were supposed to meet around 7:30 there, it was around 7:50.

We waited inside of Kanki.

Ginnie, Julia and Jessica. Lovely girls.

we were all seated and orderd drinks.

Sam seductively eating her cherry, which came with her drink.

don't they look so happy? :)

eating appetizers: salad and soup.

the little boy the chef is holding "pees" on the fire; very cute.

spent a lot of time gossiping, of course.

Erin and Julia.

we told the employees at Kanki's that it was Sam's birthday; they came to sing for her and give her a free dessert (oh and a balloon!) we couldn't hold our laughs in.

the balloon.

we stopped by Wendy's, they had free frosties.

Sam wanted to set the alarm off on Ginnie's car...

Julia and I have the same kind of phone.

then we went to Ginnie's...

and facebook stalked people as we gossiped about them.

I wish I had this phone.

we also looked at pictures she had.

an unfortunate fact..

2009-11-12T16:56:00.001-05:00

Although I love nights sometimes, I still hate the fact that at 6 PM it seems like it's actually 9 PM outside. I enjoy day while it lasts, and I always prefer having longer days than night! That's a good thing about summer. But we have to make some sacrifices for all the colorful leaves, and soon after the glowing snow, right?

just some thoughts.

2009-11-11T14:32:00.002-05:00

What is the definition of "blogging"? Until now, I was going to define it as an "online journal," but it's not really that, is it? A journal is something very personal to you; you wouldn't want just anyone to see it. But for blogs, you don't really care. I think that's a power of the internet. Being anonymous, there are many advantages.... which can be disadvantages for some. Blogging makes writing journals mean another thing. A journal that everyone can read freely, without a lock.

(Learning about provinces of France, and one of them is named "Champagne")
Me: Hey, it's your favorite drink, Levent.
Levent: No, my favorite's vodka.
I thought that was hilarious since Levent is the type of person who would never drink.

(Talking about the ASS thing from math)
Michael: I really need to work on getting ASS.

plans for today

2009-11-07T16:40:00.003-05:00

Today I might write down what I ate. So far, I have eaten some soup my mom microwaved for me (I didn't finish it but Jack finished it... except for all the carrots and peas), and a bagel with cream cheese. That took care of my lunch and snacks, I suppose.

I am thinking about doing some homework, taking a hot bath and then watching some movies, I think. I hope I don't forget to ask my mom if I can rent some videos tonight. Oh, and I might make a stop motion video, which I will post under this paragraph. For now, have a lovely day. xx

EDIT - SUNDAY NOVEMBER 8TH

Last night I actually didn't end up doing the things I said I'd do. A bit after I posted this, Will asked to hang out at Armadillo Grill with Molly, and I gladly went. I had a nice time, and I took a few pictures. Also, we were sitting down on this bench when this drunk black guy came up to us, it was funny, but he necked on Molly and she was creeped out.... other than that I'm sure everyone had a nice time.

Will pissed his pants.

Only kidding--he spilled his soda all over himself and on the floor, then we snuck over to another one.

Back of Dillo's

Later that night I went to Katie's and we smoked. We thought the tree shadow looked like a lady with her hand on her hip. Then we went inside, watched Wallace & Gromit. It was hilarious because Katie talked for the robot on the moon.

Tonight I finally finished my stop-motion video! It took quite a while, but I think it turned out well.

v for vendetta

2009-11-06T00:53:00.002-05:00

what a lovely movie, it made me cry more than Total Eclipse.

I don't know why this movie made me cry so much, but it just did. I didn't know why, but the tears just kept flowing. I did not even think it was that great of a movie, probably because I did not grasp the concept fully. I will watch it again, but not for a while.

this is definitely in my favorite top 5, but nothing can ever top Fight Club.

just a minute!

2009-11-01T21:04:00.000-05:00

Idea by Jenaveve on August Street.

Reading... The Gossip Girl series of The Carlyles. "You just can't get enough" by Cecily von Ziegesar. ther Carlyles aren't as good as the previous crowd, but I'll deal.

Listening... to the same music, like Daydream Lily. Hopefully I will discover new music soon.

Wanting... more cigarettes, more money, more books, more clothes, more shoes, more boys. Also I need to take my daily dose of happy pills! I would also like more creative ideas for this, I don't know what to put next!

Loving... my mom, my chemical romance, and my best friends. Oh and happiness.

Watching... "that 70's show" online, they always seem to cheer me up. I'm envious of their friendships, although many times they treat each other like crap. They love each other nevertheless.

Planning... to do my homework tomorrow, to brush my teeth like the dentist's child tomorrow for the dentist, and to have a good rest tonight.

NaNoWriMo & halloween update

2009-11-01T11:48:00.002-05:00

I will be participating on this year's NaNoWriMo. I am excited, except I am OCD and will want this novel to be perfect. This is about quantity and not quality but ugh! I want to make it good! Oh well. A friend of mine is doing it also with me. She already has 2,000+ words! I am going to make a parody of Twilight, but instead of a vampire, it's going to be a zombie.

Last night, halloween was wonderful! First, I hung out with AJ, then I went to Phillip's (that wasn't too pleasant because I was shy and was just sitting by myself, but no worries, I will not see any of them again, probably), then I went to Molly's party, and that's when all the real fun started!

Many people were there, and I became friends with Will again. I'm actually quite happy about it. Sally was drunk, many people were messing with her. There were a lot of drama going on, but I tried to ignore it and actually party. Molly had a trampoline that I loved! First, Becca didn't like how Sally drank so she left or something. Then there was this thing with Flora, which I don't even care about nor do I know anything about it. But people who were there were (and were not mentioned previously) Braden, Marijke, Shaw, Zach, Lexi, Claire, Grace, Rita, Paul, Erin, and that's all I remember. I took some pictures when I got there, but only a few. I didn't want to waste my time taking pictures! I wanted to have fun.

Now I'm off to Katie's.

happy halloween!

2009-10-31T13:19:00.002-04:00

Unfortunately, I did not have time to get a costume...
But I am only going to a party tonight! No candy for me, but it's fine.

My plan for me today was to visit Phillip, smoke, then go to Molly's halloween party. But I don't really know how to get to those places.... my mom could drive me, yes, but he might not be so accepting of me going to a boy's house after dark and then going to a party. I will also have to pretend I am not under the influence in the car. Hopefully that shall all work out.

Yesterday, our school had a pep rally. Unfortunately after that, I broke up with my boyfriend. I don't think he's taking it well....

I hope everyone has a lovely halloween!

another lovely day with piglet.

2009-10-28T12:10:00.003-04:00

Today, I am going to attempt to finish all them make-up work I have delayed. Hopefully I will actually get them done before I get another pack of them tonight by Michael. I already did most work of Monday's, it really wasn't that much. They're all easy (except algebra) so I'm not very worried.

Whenever I see a picture like this, it inspires me to work...

I don't know why, but it looks fun to me.

a day off.

2009-10-26T11:00:00.006-04:00

It's Monday, but guess who's too sick to function?

Last night was horrible, I kept waking up in the middle of the night, my neck clogged, my nose filled with mucus, my throat burning. I got a glass of water, then about two hours later after I could not go back to sleep after waking up again, I asked my mom to give me medicine.

Michael is too sweet, he is getting me my make up work for school today. I am probably the luckiest girl in the world to have such a boyfriend. I told him yesterday that I might have to move if my mom does not get accepted to Greensboro, and he squeezed me.

"I'd move next summer, that's in, like, 10 months. Do you think we'll last that long?"
"I wouldn't be surprised...."
"10 months is a very long time..."

Despite being horribly sick (which has been very horrible, I haven't been this sick in ages!), I will try to keep a good mood and read and cuddle up in my comfy blanket. I haven't been in a mad mood in a while, thanks to my lovely boyfriend.

I feel bad for all the things I said about Michael in an old post... but now, I've changed my mind.

brownies Michael made for me

this is where I rest...

/ K

P.S. I went to the doctors, diagnosed with swine flu. Oink. Good news is that my mom, sister and I are going to rent DVDs tonight and buy some school supplies! One can never have too many pens...

still sick....

2009-10-25T11:11:00.006-04:00

I was supposed to hang out with my boyfriend today... instead he's making me brownies! He is so sweet. I am texting him on my phone right now.

Happy Sunday!

rain + fever = sadness

2009-10-24T17:07:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, I hung out with AJ, it was so fun! He officially stated that he is gay--not bi, not straight. Definitely not straight... anyway, first, we just hung out at his house, watching tv, eating deviled eggs (which were delicious, I tried to make some but failed), and playing computer games. Then we decided to see Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, which was nice. We went to southpoint, ate, wasted time and watched the movie. The movie was better than I thought it would be! I thought it would be childish, but there were very funny moments. We walked around the mall after the movie, spotting out hot guys and window shopping, our arms linked together. Then we had to go home, but overall it was very fun.

After I got home, I had some coughs, but thought it was nothing... when I went to bed (which was soon after), my throat itched, I hoped it was nothing, although I knew it was unlikely. Today, my mom said I had a fever. Worst luck! I have a date with my boyfriend tomorrow.

It probably didn't help that I took Jack out into the backyard while it was drizzling!
I hope everyone else is in good health!

my kitty

2009-10-23T10:30:00.005-04:00

this is Jack. this is how he sleeps.

today I begin a relationship

2009-10-16T17:30:00.005-04:00

his name his Michael.

He's very nice, sweet, and a little cute. He's smart and is 'soft.' But he's not my type, is awkward and only a little cute. Relationships are new to me, so maybe this 'weird' feeling is only because of that. But the big problem is that I was not sure if my feelings were mutual when I said 'yes.'

His birthday is next week, I will give him a balloon and a piece of cake, maybe. I will give it a week until I consider breaking it off with him. I feel bad for already thinking that when we just became official today, but this is just so new to me, I don't know how to handle it... I just want this feeling to go away. But I guess I will 'get over it,' like Katie told me.

I know Michael is very sweet and kind, I know he will treat me so nicely. He's never had a girlfriend before, and in a way I haven't had a good boyfriend, really. Just about two boyfriends, each of them lasting about a week. So who knows, this maybe a really nice relationship.

Other than that, I went to the game today and it was very fun. I mostly remember hugging Zach a lot and taking a few pictures. Mostly hung out with Zach, Rita, Anna, Katie, Jack, Erin and Caleb. It was nice, I'm glad I went.

P.S. I asked Rita and Zach how I could improve my personality, and they told me that I am sometimes too sarcastic. So I am going to fix that. I'm just trying to be a good person, now. I don't know what I want to be. Nice or... a bitch? Well for now, I'm just going to fix my sarcasm and stop hitting people.

high school is hectic.

2009-10-14T22:21:00.004-04:00

I hope I'm not exaggerating because I'm a teenager. People complain about us, but we don't like being teenagers very much either.

Today, all the sophomores had to take the PSATs. It didn't count for anything--it was just a practice test. It was optional for juniors and it counted for them. How stressful, sometimes teenagers get a lot of work. But if we don't get prepared for a lot of work now, how shall we succeed in the real life? Maybe we won't need what we learn in life, but maybe dealing with the amount of work is... I wish they'd at least give us useful information..

Not only is learning hard, who can forget about the drama?
My not-so-discreet gay neighbor is finally coming out... kind of. It's a long story, but he's coming out with his best friend. They might have a "thing," but his friend won't really confirm it because everything has been stressful for them. They wanted it to be a secret among their closest friends, but someone blabbed. Of course. I think it's very cute. My neighbor cannot come out to his parents yet because they don't seem to be very accepting... his friend has, though, to his own parents.

photos...

2009-10-13T20:58:00.005-04:00

I've been too busy to post something, and today I don't have much homework so I decided to post today.

My kitty, Jack sleeping.

In the office/library, the bookshelves.

Katie cameover one day. Probably a week or two ago. Not last weekend definitely.

another beginning, another blog.

2009-10-03T21:37:00.003-04:00

I am going to try out blogspot for a bit, I've got tired of Wordpress and a lot of people are using blogspot anyway. yes, I am a sheep.

this is what I did on Friday night.

I rode with molly and sally to the hotel were becca was having her quinceañera. I couldn't get a good picture of sally.

anna and katie. they served lemonade and cherry slushies.

they had such pretty chandeliers!

the main room.

another chandelier.

anna and katie again. emma's in the back.

the guys becca picked for her party (to dance with her).

I've always wanted to see a band like this.

the birthday girl and katie.

justin, alex, braden and shaw. levent creeping in the back. braden was one of the guys becca picked out for her dance.

molly, jesse, sally and zach.

the food was okay, but the cakes were fantastic. I ate three pieces.

cason, braden, sam, cameron and brian. the back of the head is levent's.

the tea looked very elegant, but tasted very gross...

braden and shaw were dancing and this is what happened. I wish I had taken good pictures of them dancing!

lovely picture of braden and molly.

attractive people.

christy and julia.

becca cutting the cake. I really liked how their cake was like that.

shaw's band played. they were okay, I don't really remember.

just a random part of the hotel.

then I got a ride home with julia, erin and christy at 11:10. we wanted to stay longer (the party went to midnight) but julia's dad came early. the party overall was fun, I saw a lot of my friends. I didn't plan to go until two days before. I am glad I went!